


Tick, Tick, Boom!

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, F/M, Family, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-04
Updated: 2015-10-04
Packaged: 2018-04-24 17:15:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4928278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I also DVR’d Taken 3 the other night.  I know you love to watch Liam Neeson beat the hell out of people when you can't sleep.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tick, Tick, Boom!

**Author's Note:**

> I jumped ahead into the future again. I like these moments in their life together.

“Papi!” Noah sat straight up in bed as Rafael turned out the light.

“What's wrong?” he turned to his son.

“Spray.” Noah said, pointing to the closet with wide eyes.

“I did spray Noah, twice. Plus you have Sully and nothing is coming to hurt you with Sully around. You're 100% safe and sound.”

“Truth?” Noah asked.

“Cross my heart.” Rafael did it to prove a point. He walked back across the room and sat down on the bed. Hands gentle on Noah’s shoulders, he laid him back down. “I will always protect you. And when Papi can't be here then Sully is gonna do the job. We already made a deal, it’s the truest true in the world. You can sleep soundly tonight.”

“OK.” Noah seemed to calm down some. “Night, Papi.”

“Goodnight.”

His lamp was on, the shade slowly spinning and projecting stars onto his ceiling. Rafael wondered as he kissed him once more and left the room just how kids began to fear things. Noah was three now. Rafael remembered when he was 15 months he was scared of nothing. This was a kid who would climb bookshelves and pull things down onto his head without a care in the world. 

He grabbed for things, put things in his mouth, and tried to roll off a bed or chair more times than Rafael could count. It wasn’t that people, even kids, shouldn’t have healthy fears. Unfortunately this world wasn’t always a safe or happy place. But did it just happen one day or over time? Noah had just gotten comfortable being verbal. Were there things he saw before he even realized he was seeing him that made him so afraid of monsters? Or was Disney as incredibly frightening as some of those Buzzfeed articles said it was?

Walking into his bedroom, Rafael stopped when he saw her. Liv had worked doubles at least three days this week. She was investigating two possible pedophile cases and a rapist in Washington Square Park. There had been many trips to the hospital and interviews with traumatized victims. At barely 8:30 she was already curled up and sound asleep. 

Noah’s bedtime was usually private time unless Olivia worked the second or third shift. Sometimes in the evening Rafael would have Trevor over. They would have dinner and then put on a movie which they basically bickered through. They called it Siskel and Ebert evenings. But with Olivia back on days for at least the next two weeks, he was looking forward to time with his wife.

“You're staring.” She mumbled, opening her eyes.

“I'm thinking.” He countered.

“What are you thinking about? Is Noah OK?”

“He's just fine, all tucked in. How do kids learn fear?”

“Adults.” Olivia sat up and rubbed her eyes. “And from pain through their various adventures. Do you remember the time Noah fell down the last three steps at your mom’s house?”

“Oh God,” Rafael closed his eyes. “Just thinking about it now makes me feel faint.”

“He was fine but there was that pause where we didn’t know if he was hurt or not. You went to freak out but your mother and I grabbed you back.”

“Mom said we had to see his reaction before we had one ourselves.”

“Exactly.” Olivia said. “Sometimes kids react when they see their parents react. If a parent is upset a child cries, especially a little one who doesn’t understand all the different ways emotions can manifest. Then there are other times when the child is hurt but it’s going to take them a moment to get over the stun of what happened and actually feel the pain. Kids have a time delay like you wouldn’t believe.”

“I've been Noah’s dad for over a year now…I believe it. How do moms do it? How do so many of them get it right?”

“Experience. Often women grow up as big sisters, babysitters, camp counselors; we just know kids. Plus there’s trial and error, relationships with other moms, and gut instinct. I'm not one of those people who believe that all women have maternal instinct. That would be foolish with all I've seen in my line of work. But we have guts and when it comes to our little ones trusting them is usually the best way to go.”

“Trudy Malco trusted her gut. That didn’t turn out so well.”

“That’s where the trial and error part comes in.” Olivia said. “What got you thinking about fear?”

“Noah and the whole monsters in the closet thing.” Rafael came and sat on the bed. He grabbed his phone to make sure he hadn’t missed any calls while doing bedtime stories. “I have to spray every night and no exceptions are made. I just wonder is he truly afraid of monsters, as if he's ever seen one, or just the idea. I was thinking about what teaches our children to fear.”

“Adults.” Olivia repeated.

“Yes, I got that.” He turned to look at her. “Are you hungry, mi amor, have you eaten?”

“I didn’t eat.” She shook her head. “I wasn’t feeling too hungry…I was tired more than anything.”

“You have to eat.” Rafael kissed her cheek. “I bought muffins this afternoon.”

“What kind of muffins?”

“Corn, whole wheat, and coffeecake. They're the big ones so we could split one and I’ll make you some tea to help you relax.”

“Coffeecake.” Olivia said smiling.

“Coffeecake it is.”

She took his hand, stopped him from getting up from the bed. Olivia caressed his face and just held his eyes. Words were never going to be enough. Sometimes that was frustrating and other times it seemed just perfect.

“Yo quiero.” She kissed his nose.

“Te amo, mi amor. Always, always, always, and for a decade after that.”

“Alright Counselor, coffeecake and TV?”

“We have enough _Castle_ on the DVR to get us past Christmas.” Rafael said. “I also DVR’d _Taken 3_ the other night. I know you love to watch Liam Neeson beat the hell out of people when you can't sleep.”

“I really do.” she turned on the TV and immediately muted it. The last channel viewed was C-Span 2. Her husband was such a nerd. “We could catch up on _Supernatural_.”

“Do you promise not to drool over the shorter brother?”

“I absolutely do not. If you get Ian Somerhalder than I get green eyed Dean.”

“ _Supernatural_ it is then.” He laughed and walked out of the bedroom.

***

Olivia sighed, squeezing Rafael’s hand as he placed kisses down the nape of her neck and across her shoulder blades. They’d watched two hours of _Supernatural_ before turning on Netflix and finding _Falcon Crest_. The couple immediately got into a bickering match over who Susan Sullivan’s Maggie character should be with. Olivia came down firmly on the side of Chase. He was her devoted husband. 

Rafael conceded that while Chase was indeed the sexier of the two, it had to be Richard. Desperation for love was very attractive in male television characters. Halfway through the second episode, and a little past their normal bedtime, Olivia slipped under the covers to pleasure her husband. TV time was over for the night.

Content in their lovemaking, Rafael was sure sleep would be swift and sound tonight. The woman he loved was wrapped in his arms and her skin felt so good on his. All was quiet in Noah’s room, which meant that monster spray had another successful run. This was the best way to end a night and Rafael took a moment to soak it all in before closing his eyes.

“Rafael? Rafi?”

“Si, mi amor; I'm awake.” Not quite, but somewhere around close enough.

“I need to talk to you about something.” Olivia said.

“Ahora?”

“Yes, now. I've wanted to for a while now but wasn’t sure how I would bring it up.”

“What's wrong?” now Rafael was wide awake. Well, wide awake was a stretch but the sweet oblivion of sleep burned rather quickly. He knew every single one of Olivia’s tones. That was the worried and this might not be alright tone. “Hey, look at me, what's the matter?”

Olivia turned in his arms. She saw the worry in his eyes, even in the darkness. Caressing his face and kissing him, she hoped that calmed his nerves a bit. Scaring him wasn’t Olivia’s intent, she just wanted to talk. It always seemed that she couldn’t get her nerve up until after midnight. 

“I want to have another baby.” She said.

“Oh,” despite himself, Rafael laughed, sounding a little manic. “Jesus woman, don’t scare me like that.”

“What did you think I was going to say?”

“I have no idea, that’s why I got nervous. You had the tone…you had the ‘ _I don’t love you anymore_ ’ tone.”

“I don’t love you anymore? There’s a tone for that? Oh God Rafi, I'm always going to love you. There is no tone for that. I'm officially telling you there is no tone for that.”

“I just, I worry and I know it’s ridiculous but I still do. I really need to stop doing that, don’t I? OK, let’s focus on one thing at a time.”

“Noah is three now and it would be the perfect time.” Olivia said. “I can't…I tried to stop thinking about it but I want a baby.”

“We’re so busy.” Rafael said. “Noah is fully potty trained now, he's more verbal. We just got over the hump. You want to start all over again?”

“Yes.” There was no hesitation in her answer.

“We’re not as young as we used to be.”

“Some days I don’t think we were ever young. I'm not going to pretend that it’ll be a picnic in the park. Raising a child has its difficulties. But it’s also such a magical experience. I want Noah to have siblings and I just want more babies.”

“You are so damn cute.” Rafael smiled and kissed her. “Do you want to adopt again?”

“Well, my time has come and gone I'm afraid.” Olivia smiled but there was a sadness in her eyes when she said it. 

She always thought she would have a baby. Never did she think she wouldn’t be a mother. It had been so hard to look up and see that her time had passed. When Noah came along she knew it was her second chance, maybe her only chance. At the time she had no idea that love and marriage was coming. Olivia was ready to go it alone if need be. Having Rafael by her side, knowing they'd made this commitment to each other, meant she didn’t have to. 

“You have the frozen eggs.” He said. “I have the means to fertilize them. If you want, and only if you want, we could look into surrogacy. No pressure.”

“That costs so much money. Not only would we have to pay for the surrogate and the process but the medical bills and any other costs that came up during the pregnancy. I know people who’ve gone through $100,000 when it’s all said and done. Couples have gone bankrupt. I can't imagine spending that kind of money. We’re not rich, Rafi.”

“Yes we are.” He replied. “We keep that pretty quiet but if you want to do this then the cost isn't going to be a problem.”

“We’re rich?” Olivia raised an eyebrow.

“I'm no Kennedy but have invested well over the years. If you want to have another adoption, we can do that. I just want to put all of our options out on the table.”

“We could have a baby?” she asked.

“We have the means, and the money, to do so.” Rafael replied.

“A little green eyed, temperamental sweetheart…just like daddy.”

“There's a 30% chance the baby could have green eyes.”

She wanted to look into it. Olivia had eggs frozen years ago on her OBGYN’s advice. She just didn’t want to give up the idea of being a mother. While it was too late for her to give birth, the eggs could be put to use. 

She and Rafael could make a baby. The thought never crossed her mind but it was a wonderful thought. Olivia smiled just thinking about it. Noah and baby Barba would be such an amazing adventure.

“Yes!” she threw her arms around him. “Yes, let’s look into it.”

“Alright.” Rafael kissed her shoulder.

“You want this, right? Rafael, I don’t want to push you into something you're not comfortable with. I think we can do it but please be honest with me. If you don’t want a baby, or if you're unsure, tell me. I can handle it.”

“I have absolutely no idea what kind of father I’ll be. I learn something new every day with Noah and often times I am flying by the seat of my pants without a map or helmet. One thing I do know...you will be an amazing mother. I’ll look to your example, and do my best not to give our kids any kind of complexes or reasons to find an overpriced New York therapist. 

“We’re in this together, Liv. I promised you under your favorite tree with my mother there, and possibly in front of God. If you want it than I want it too.”

“Pinky swear?” Olivia held up her pinky.

“Pinky swear.” He smiled and wrapped his finger around hers. “We need to get some sleep. You're working days now, no more sleeping in.”

“Don’t remind me.” She groaned, cuddling closer to him. Rafael lay on his back and wrapped her in his arms. “At least it’s not the seven a.m. shift.”

“There has to be a perk or two in being the boss.”

“Absolutely. I love you, Rafi.”

“I love you too.” He kissed her forehead.

Rafael knew he wasn’t going to fall asleep fast. He'd been so close just a little while ago, before the rug was snatched out from under him. Another baby. Olivia wanted another baby. It hadn’t even been something he thought about or accounted for. 

Noah was part of the package, not that he didn’t love him with all of his heart. Rafael adopted him; the little boy was his son. What would another baby be like? Would there be sleepless nights and hospital visits for illnesses? Would his mother get over-involved? Would he turn out to be a terrible father, not as his own had been but in any number of other ways? 

What if baby #2 left no time for him and Liv to be alone? What would happen to their sex life? What would happen to date night? What would happen to their 2 bedroom, Upper West Side condo? Fuck, he was totally going to have to sell the condo. 

Rafael needed to do a new will; had to make sure the kids were taken care of in case something happened to them. What if something happened to Olivia and he had to raise them on his own? He was definitely getting too far ahead of himself thinking like that. Nothing had happened yet so there was no need to go with the worst case scenario. He would sleep now and let this give him an ulcer in the morning. 

Having nerves and worries was perfectly normal in this situation. There was no way that he and Liv weren't going to be great together. They were great friends, lovers, and they would continue to be great parents. This would continue to be everything his heart desired. Adding something as wonderful as a child would just be more adventure to enjoy.

***


End file.
